Brian

the largest of stones are seen as mountains to climb and enjoy. the tiniest of rocks will find it's way into your shoe as you walk, and can irritate endlessly. do not confuse the size of an obstacle or sin with it's importance.

i ask that i may see my jobs, my joys, my obstacles and my opportunities all as the graces they are.



a lot of things used to bother me. tighten the stomach and weaken the knees. for what it's worth, though, i'm feeling a good deal stronger these days. with enough whiskey and time you can convince yourself of anything. because i'm sick of the inhibitions that i've crowned my king. so it's a coup d'etat, a mutiny, a revolutionary treason that just might set me free. the biggest trouble is remembering. why i sing, why i sin, why i spend my evenings under these city lights, shouting at the sky and any one who will pass by, when i spend most of my time not saying a word. sitting idly by as the blur wears away. as the world threatens to fade. i sold a few things to buy some wine, and now, after all this time, i've still got you to let me down. this clumsy form that is mine until i die.

the city drives circles around me
24 hours behind the wheel
everything looks familiar
but it all still feels wrong
the town is layed out
just like you said it would be
the girl on the corner
looks like she's been waiting for me
but as i'm driving by
and complaining that i'm alone
i barely reflect on the glass
there's a ghost on my window
i hate the face i see
the eyes, the skin, the hair
he's stares slowly back at me
empty and wandering, broken and pale
it's just frustration and boredom
nothing to take to seriously
like these type written lines
that i'm making up as i go along
as words come without answers
new lines fall into place
like unexpected intersections
and exits to the interstate
how am i to decide where i'm going?
and when i do, what then?
do i cut short this daily drive
in favor of a destination?
i guess "settling down" just isn't in the cards for me
just like diamonds, and luck, or love.
spades are the only option left, i think
and i'm wondering what that means

all i want is your feet on my dashboard.

the world's got me dizzy again
after twenty two years, you think i'd be used to the spin
but it only feels worse when i stay in one place
that's why i'm always pacing around and walking away...

****i say "water" like the word will quench my thirst*
***love is in the air, but my lungs aren't what they used to be**
**your skin is the dirt beneath my fingernails***
*i just drank kerosene, so come on, baby, light my fire****

behold the rebirth.

a new pair of eyes, a chin without a beard.

the decision to get over you.


all are uncomfortable.

"i don't know where my head was at,
but if my heart says i'm sorry, can we leave it at that?"

so tonight, adam and i are going to just sit around with a bottle of whiskey and two acoustic guitars.

with any luck, we'll write a few new songs for our band, Lovestunt.
and if not, at least i'll be too lightheaded to be disappointed.

yeah. i voted.

The flick of motion in the corner of his eye caught Keat's attention. He was all to eager for a distraction, as his writer's block had more than frustrated him.

Beneath his door, he saw the white paper that had so enthusiastically grabbed his attention. It was an envelope, and on it's top side was a nickname he hadn't been called in years.

Without checking outside the door, as most of us would have done, Keat returned to his desk and carefully opened the seams. His eyes moved left to right, chasing the words on the paper inside.

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Meet me at the swingset. Like we used to. I'll be sitting on the end of the slide - where we first met.

We can dance in the snow, and watch the cold turn our breath into clouds.
We can guess at what shapes those clouds take.
We can pray for more snow to fall, for it to dance with us in the streetlights.
We can look around to the growing crowd and ignore their envy.

They see us standing there, with your mittens on my waist, and they hate us both for what we are - for what we have.

Every boy wants to be you, and every girl dreams of being in your arms like I will be.

Our gloved hands can find eachother, and the fact that it's not skin touching doesn't bother us at all.

Picnics under crescent moons are far too rare. The food and blankets are here. So am I. All I need is you.

-Natalie
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A softer expression has never graced our man's face. The cd's music had stopped playing at some point while reading the letter. The silence was far from uncomfortable. It was one of those moments... Keat was glad to have it to himself, not dealing with the intrusion of a musician's recording.

The letter found it's way back into the envelope, and then was pierced with a tack to the wall above his desk.

He laced his shoes, wrapped up in a scarf, jacket, fuzzy blue hat, and the pair of mittens Natalie had bought him last Christmas.

He put extra effort into closing the door silently. In part, because he didn't want to disturb his sleeping family, but mostly because he was still cherishing the beauty of the still air. Any sound but that of her voice would have been a jarring disappointment. The whole way to the swings, he followed a pair of fresh snowsteps that lead from his door to the park that just came within view.

gravity wins, and the water in the clouds eventually falls. it's a downpour. it's been raining since sometime last night, the parking lot at work was flooded, and the water was still pouring from heaven. but when i was done with my shift, that didn't keep me from walking around to the drive up pharmacy window. i was blushing behind the rain on my face... and behind the clouds, the sky was doing it's best impersonation of your eyes. i stuttered through the first half of my memorized sentence at least three times, so i forced myself to start over, not unlike elmer fudd. i caught the grin of another pharmacist looking over your shoulder. she obviously thought the scene was adorable, and part of her wished wonderful things like that still happened to her. nervously, words reached your ear about how the cool kids at cvs spend lots of time together outside of work. "You're officially invited to your first Cool Kid Night Out." Yours eyes actually got wider. the blue ink from my pen could hardly scribble out my phone number fast enough as a car started pulling up next to me. my time was limited, and here i am, writing down the wrong area code. think, brian, think. finally, i get it right, even if the rain is doing all sorts of fun things to the ink. i hope you can read it. i hope you call, because this car behind me is getting impatient, maybe the prescription they are picking up will fix that. i must be going... off to dance in this perfect rain. every. single. drop.

Je leverai les yeux a Toi
J'ai change cent foi de nom
Je leverai les yeux a toi
Je n'ai pas d'espoir

within the next two weeks,

i'm going to see mewithout you in concert
and blindside
and project 86
and cool hand luke

thats four of my top ten

oh yes.

i want to hide beneath the pretty paint
i want to be okay with everything
i want to be transformed and stay the same
I want to be dry in the rain





I'm going to say goodbye (round 1) to someone today.

that's gonna be sad as hell.

I've fallen for a girl on the screen again.

Spider-man is such a lucky bastard.

if memories were stars,
my night sky would shine like the day

would you believe me if i said i felt alone?

yes, you would.
because you'll believe anything i say.

luckily,

i've never felt so un-alone.

i hate it.


WHEN WILL I BE FREE?
WHEN WILL I FEEL ALIVE?
I'M AT THE END AND I CAN'T BREATHE

with eyes bright enough
to burn your own retinas in the mirror
you tend to look to the ground
when walking my way
neither of us are brave enough
or bored enough
to even half heartedly pursue
the ideas we used to own
i mean, honestly, what could become of them?
maybe what we need
is breakfast and some company
i'll bring the eggs,
and you bring those eyes
and we can pretend we aren't wasting our time.

warning:

full collapse ahead.

destiny and fate
they can both be damned
if they don't line up
with all my big plans

i'll go it alone, if i must
but i know i'll get there

she's my finish line

nevermind.

5 posts in a row.

you're worth it,
but i'm giving up anyway.

Where I come from
Miami is a four letter word
And if you desert me
I'll have no choice
but to go and tell mom
And you'll be grounded
but you know
that's just what i want
and if you're locked in your room
you'll be here
from now on

I DON'T KNOW
IF I'M BEING AS CLEAR AS I'D LIKE TO BE
SO THIS IS THE PART WHERE I SAY
THAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE

*but you don't think this post is about you*